Monday, March 10, 2008

Full disclosure

I've just eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, about a pound of grapes, a Stringsters, and a big bowl of cereal. And I'm starving. The fetus must be having a growth spurt. Either that or she really wants a big fat fatty of a mother so she can sing the song we all remember from our youth: Fatty fatty two by four, couldn't fit through the bathroom door. So she did it on the floor, licked it up and asked for more. Or maybe it's just another one of those songs that only kids who attend private Catholic schools were privy to. I have a bunch of them. And I can't wait to teach them to my own kids. I can see it now - Baby Boy in a few years when he attends kindergarten - "Teacher teacher! Stick your finger in this hole...." THAT'LL be a fun phone call.

Now that I've disclosed my hypochondriasis perpetual concern for my health I find myself at ease with sharing today's ailment. My kidneys. My kidneys, my kidneys, my kidneys, my poor friggin' kidneys. My poor scarred, bruised kidneys. I'm pretty sure I have a kidney infection/stone/tumor in my left kidney. And it's funny to know that I tend to panic, yet I also tend not to bring my concerns to the doctor very often. Why? I'd rather not find out if anything's wrong. Totally logical, right? Last night I was certain that I coughed so hard it separated a ventricle or artery from my heart, and that's why it was hurting on my left side every time I coughed. Oh - and I think I mentioned to my husband that I probably had throat cancer because when I swallowed it felt like there was a marble in the back of my throat on the left side.

It's all about the left side right now. The right side is getting jealous - I might have to go run into a wall to make it feel better.

1 comment:

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

great stuff... i'm debating a retraction on my last comment. you must not be a hypochondriac - at least not in the typical sense... if you were, you would be at the dr. ALL THE TIME.

(btw, my husband is just like you... he once had a headache and was so convinced it was a brain hemorrhage and he was going to die that instant... i think i laughed at him...)