Saturday, March 08, 2008

Everyone's a rittle bit lacist

Avenue Q. Some of the funniest stuff to cross a Broadway stage.

My husband has told me on more than one occasion that I'm weird. When I ask him why, then, did he marry me, his response is usually along the lines of blah blah blah....neurotic tendencies...blah blah...endearing. So tonight I dedicate a blog post to all of my idiosyncrasies. They're what make me me.

1. I hate body hair. On anyone, including myself. It repulses me to no end.
2. Ever see the movie Mr. Magorium's Something-or-Other Emporium? The weird finger thing Natalie Portman does? I do that, except I do it to whatever song happens to be going through my head at the moment, including commercials and ditties from Sesame Street.
3. I count stairs when I walk them. Every time. Even in my own home.
4. I can't eat the ends of a loaf of commercially processed bread, but I love to eat the heels of freshly baked French or Italian bread. The ends of a bagged loaf make me gag.
5. I also take issue with eating the last end of many foods. Hot dogs, pickles - I can eat the end that is bitten off in the first bite, but I can't eat the end that would be the last bite. I have to throw it away.
6. If I bang/burn/bite/stub one part of my body, I have to do the same to the other side to make it fair. For example - if I stub my left big toe, I have to lightly kick a chair or wall with the right big toe. If I don't, it almost makes my skin crawl.

Think I'm effed up yet? This is nothing.

7. I have to throw the outer 5 leaves of a head of lettuce away. I can't eat them. I believe they're tainted.
8. I can't buy/eat anything store brand/generic (other than Wegmans pasta) because I believe I will find bugs inside the package. Especially canned goods.
9. Sometimes I just have to make a noise to make sure my voice still works.
10. I can't share a drink or utensil with my husband. The very thought grosses me out. Considering where both of our mouths have been....I don't get it. I could further elaborate, but I don't want to embarrass anyone.
11. I have to use the spellcheck feature several times in e-mails and blogging. I have no patience for misspelled words.
12. I have to look at people's teeth when I'm talking to them. If your teeth are less than perfect, you can be damn sure I'll notice.
13. The piece of toilet paper that will be used next on the roll must be facing up, not down and left hanging.
14. Before I use a glass or mug, it must be rinsed out 3 times with hot water.
15. I don't touch door handles in public places. I grab them with my sleeves or wait for someone to hold the door.
16. I'm a germophobe. Not hardcore, but enough.

That's all I can come up with right now. I know there are more, but I don't want to scare you too badly.

1 comment:

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

i love you more and more with each post that i read... ;) these are all great! i must say that i totally don't 'do' most of them, but the teeth thing - i'm with you. i notice teeth, but i also notice someone's EYES. often, i have had to point out to acquaintances someone's 'wall-eye'. i look people in the eye when i talk to them - not everyone does this.