I've never gone 4 weeks without updating. I've gotten a few e-mails and Facebook messages from some of my loyal readers wondering, "Hi, are you still, like, alive?" Indeed I am. Just nothing good to write about, and I figured my endless battle with all things medical was getting a little too heavy for blogging, so I gave it a break. How sad that, in these 4 weeks, nothing exciting has happened, nor can I come up with anything fun/funny/witty to write about? Ick.

Updates, then, in bullet fashion:

• Savannah turned 9 months old on February 15th. Where the hell did those 9 months go? Ohhh, I know....I was so consumed with feeling like poo and trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my body that I've essentially missed my baby girl's first year. Fabulous mothering on my part. In any case, she crawls faster than I can walk. She pulls herself up on things, cruises, and is probably seconds away from walking. Lord help me. She laughs when I use a firm voice and/or her full name in an attempt to stop her from eating random things off of the floor or from attempting to climb the stairs. She claps, says "dada" and "yaaaaay," waves, and makes these awful noises that would make one assume she is part pterodactyl or part short-wave radio. She has never wanted anything to do with baby food, commercial or homemade, and can now out-eat her brother at any meal. No teeth yet. Typical girl attitude is already present, and I can hardly wait for the teen years. She adores Nat and follows him around wherever he goes.

• Nathanael is days away from turning 28 months but already has the personality of a sixteen year old boy. I hate the terrible twos, and from what I've been told it only gets worse. He has completely abandoned the idea of napping, so coupled with his attitude you can imagine that we have some ugly days. He loves to draw, and is actually quite a good artist for a two year old. He's smart and a bit of a smartass, proudly identifies letters of the alphabet whenever we see them out and about. Adults who don't know him compliment me on his vocabulary and manners and knowledge...even if he does pronounce peanuts as "penus."

• Me, I'm hanging in there. Medically, we're still trying to figure things out. A recent MRI of the spine and cervical spine showed that I have bulging discs in my neck and back, as well as a condition called spondylosis, which is essentially osteoarthritis of the spine. What's causing it is yet to be determined, but cervical spondylosis can cause headaches and vertigo, and so I'm in physical therapy two days each week to try to alleviate symptoms. For the first two weeks I felt like a million bucks, but some of the symptoms are starting to return and I've had an increase in neck and back pain, so if those two instances are related I don't know. My physical therapist is wonderful, though, and I'm hopeful that with her course of treatment I'll get to feeling better soon. Some muscle relaxers and a vacation wouldn't hurt the situation either.

• Hubs turns 38 today. That seems so old to me even though I'm 32. We're approaching the 11 year anniversary of when we first met. He had just turned 28 and I was 22. Only 11 years ago? Seems like it has been at least 25.

• I live about 15 minutes away from where Continental Flight 3407 crashed. Scary and tragically sad, and my prayers went out to the victims and families, but it's all people could talk about here. Everyone seemed to have a story of how they knew someone who knew someone who should've been on the plane. Like 9/11 all over again. Like everyone felt the need to have a piece of the tragedy. I don't get that.

And that, dear readers, is the last few weeks in a nutshell. I appreciate all the messages concerning my presence on the planet. I was just trying to spare you all from yet another boring and piteous blog entry.

Enough

I had my appointment with the third neurologist this morning. My primary care doctor suggested that I see this neurologist in light of the continued headache and vertigo as well as the progression of some other symptoms. While I didn't walk out of his office today with any kind of concrete answers as to what, exactly, is happening with my body, we did formulate a plan and will see what happens from there. Yahoo.

Starting today and for the next 4 days, I will be receiving an intravenous infusion of methylprednisolone and magnesium to reduce and kind of inflammation that may be causing the headaches. If this 4-day infusion works, then he will be forced to look in a certain direction for a cause of these headaches. I will have to go to an infusion clinic for 2 hours a day while this medication drips into my veins. Because my husband works and I won't leave the kids with anyone but family, I have to go at night, missing dinner and bedtimes for both kids. This better work.

I also have a prescription for Valium, 2 mg, to be taken 3x/day. Valium is apparently the drug of choice when treating vertigo. I'm a little leery of taking it, but he asked that I give it a try for 2 weeks. We'll see.

Doctor wanted to repeat a spinal tap. Remember how I had a spinal tap done in July of 2008? How it was supposed to be done to rule out MS way back when? Yeah. A MS workup was not performed on the fluid. I'm a little upset over that, because the experience was awful (took the jerk 4 full pokes to find the right spot), and because it was supposed to be performed to rule out MS. The kicker is that the doctor at the time TOLD ME that the tap ruled out MS. This is why I have little faith in the medical system. I wonder if I could sue him for fraud? In any case, I told him that I'd prefer to avoid a repeat tap based solely on my experience from last time, and he agreed to send me for non-invasive tests that may also indicate MS - a VER and a BAER. One tests the eyes and will indicate visual deficits, which I have begun to notice, and the other tests signals between the cochlea and the brain. If these two tests come back with negative results, I will likely follow the doctor's suggestion of having the tap repeated.

Finally, I have a test tomorrow called a TCD. It's essentially a sonogram of the brain, and will show live-action blood flow. It will be performed with a bubble study to determine the possibility of emboli from the PFO. I thought that MRA/MRV would've ruled this out, but I guess not?

I'm praying that these tests and medications will provide relief and assist in eliciting some answers. I really am so tired of all of this. Savannah will turn 1 in May, and it makes me sad to think that the majority of the first year of her life was spent like this.

Update

I received preliminary results back from the brain scans I had the other night. The MRA (magnetic resonance angiogram, looking at blood vessels) and MRV (magnetic resonance venography, looking specifically at the venous system) both came back negative, which means that no small clusters of clots and no aneurysms were observed. There was apparently one area of the MRV that wasn't of good quality so I have to go back in tonight to have that part repeated, but I'm guessing nothing will show up. So this is good news.

Back to the drawing board. I see the third neurologist in about two weeks. He's also a headache specialist, so if he can't come up with anything then we'll proceed to the Cleveland Clinic to take the immunology route. I refuse to believe that there isn't a reason for feeling this way, and I"m not about to resolve to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. No thanks.

Thanks for putting up with my posts about medical issues and the worries that accompany the issues. Your comments, prayers, and Internet presence actually do mean a great deal to me.

Yesterday I learned that I have a PFO, or a small hole in my heart. In the 4 or 5 prior echocardiograms that I have had, this has never once shown up.

But now tonight I am scheduled for a brain MRA and MRV to determine whether or not I have had any TIAs, or, essentially, mini-strokes.

I have a blood clotting disorder. I have a history of blood clots to the lung. I also have several brain MRIs that have shown white spots. White spots = strokes?

I'm scared. I can't stop having visions of leaving my babies long before I'm ready.

Bye-bye, 2008

I can't believe how quickly this year has passed. I spent the first half of it pregnant, and the rest of it feeling like crap. I'm hopeful that 2009 will bring nothing but good things to our family. We're starting to head in the right direction financially, which is a huge weight off. Progress, albeit slow, is starting to be made in terms of my mysterious health issue. I've been referred to a third - THIRD - neurologist after a VNG revealed that my chronic vertigo is most likely the result of a CNS issue. Fab-u-lous news, no? Good news is that things like tumors and aneurysms have been ruled out several times over. I think my PCP's still thinking that I may have MS. This new neurologist is (allegedly) an expert, and *the* doctor to go to for MS symptoms and treatment. So we'll see. Not that I want a diagnosis of that or anything in that spectrum, but an answer, if it ever comes, will be so nice. My PCP is also arranging for me to be seen at The Cleveland Clinic should this new neurologist not have any new insights. That also leaves me hopeful that an answer will be found.

2009 will be the first year out of the last few years that I won't be pregnant during some part of the year. Bittersweet realization.

2009 will bring our 7th wedding anniversary. Hubs turns 38. I'll turn 33. My babies will turn 3 and 1. It will also bring my 10-year college reunion. Yikes.

2009 will hopefully bring nothing but great change for this country. I look forward to 1/20 with both excitement and trepidation.

2009 better bring with it some pretty serious weight loss. Hashimoto's be damned - I vow to lose 50 pounds by the end of this year. That's baby weight from both babies and will bring me back down to my "ideal" weight. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. Finances and lack of any real time prevent me from joining a gym. Well...back up there. We could most likely do it financially. But I feel guilty taking out time for myself to go exercise. Weird, isn't it? It's not enough that I stay home all day with them, but I feel like I'm doing them a disservice by not being around all. the. time. They're going to grow up to resent me for that, aren't they?

2009 holds the promise of everlasting memories. I wish nothing but health and love and happiness for my little family of 4, and to all of you.

May you all have a very, very happy new year!

WWACD

What would Annie Camden do?

Nat has become an incredibly picky eater. He rarely eats what I put in front of him. I'm not a horrible cook. Quite the opposite, actually. He just has set in his mind what he wants to eat, and it's usually not anything near what I've made for lunch or dinner. In his mind, the four basic food groups include bread/pretzels/rice, chocolate, cheese, and noodles. A kid after my own heart. Or stomach. But I can't go feeding him these foods over and over again.

Can I?

Not the chocolate, of course. Chocolate (and any other sweet) is a treat in this house. Not readily available, and not distributed even on a semi-regular basis. But the other stuff? Breads and cheese and noodles? He could eat those every day for every meal.

Perhaps I've been making a mistake in trying to get him to eat what the adults eat. My dinners consist of a protein, a veggie, and a starch. Nat has transformed from a child who would eat anything healthy to a child who takes one bite of everything on his plate and announces that he's done and would like to get down. Put a hot dog or buttered noodles in front of him, though, and he'll clean his plate and ask for more.

So what do you do with a picky toddler? I'm posing this question to the thousands of readers I have (ha), some of whom I know are veteran moms. Do I make two dinners, one for the adults consisting of "real" food and one of which I know he'll eat, or do I continue serving him the balanced choices? My dinner table rule is that he has to try everything once, and if he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to eat it - in that case I'll make him a PB & J or grilled cheese. But he often flat out refuses. So I'm at a loss. Hubs says that he'll eat when he's hungry and to not push him, but I'm the mom - it's my job to push and to make sure I give every effort to take care of him. He's such a little peanut and he needs to eat.

I wonder what Annie Camden would do?

Through the eyes of children

This will be Nat's third Christmas, but the first year he really has much of an understanding of anything related to the holiday. He gets Santa, though, and understands that Christmas is also Baby Jesus' birthday...as much as a two year old can, I guess.
We took the kids to see Santa at a small country store in the area that has the best Santa I've ever seen. Santa comes down the chimney every night. Savannah, obviously, doesn't understand anything beyond the sparkly lights, but it was fun to see her enjoying the twinkling lights on the trees. Watching Nat's eyes light up as he spied Santa's boots dropping from the chimney was enough to melt my heart. His anticipation was very apparent as we waited in line. He was so excited to tell Santa that he has been a good boy and that he'd like some more Cars things for Christmas. He's been spoiled in that he's my taste-tester for every holiday cookie I'm baking, and he'll also get the occasional treat of staying up "late" to watch a Christmas special in his jammies, snuggled up with mama while eating some popcorn we've popped on the stove top. I wonder if any of these things will serve to become one of his first memories. I hope so. I can't recall many annual Christmas traditions from when I was little, so I hope to create many for these kiddos that will help make each holiday extra special. I know, though, that I'll remember enough for the both of them.

I made the decision to move Nat into Savannah's bedroom, which happens to be his old bedroom. He's been having an awful time sleeping lately, and I wondered if he missed his old room, or if he just wanted company. I was a little nervous about the two of them sharing a room, thinking that one would disrupt the other, but so far it seems to be a success. He loves to look across the room and see his baby sister.

In medical news, my PCP has reached out to medical staff in Rochester to see if anything of my case rings any bells with them. Apparently some doctors at the large teaching hospital in Rochester are quite interested, so I'm wondering if I'll have to travel a bit in my continued effort to find out what's going on. Travel + WNY winters = fun.

I'm at an impasse with Christmas shopping. I would love to buy and buy and buy, giving the kids everything they want, but we also want to instill in them the notion that they don't need to be knee-deep in material possessions to be happy. After all, it's not the amount of things that we have that makes us truly happy. So I'm wondering how much is too much. I know some families who give one gift per age in years - so Nat would get 2 following that rule, and Savannah would get - what, half of a gift? I know some families who have their kids make a list, ranking the top 5 items on the list, and more families who save and save and save during the year and then go crazy at Christmas time. Hubs and I don't exchange gifts, so that leaves some extra wiggle room to spoil the kids, but I don't want to raise spoiled kids. It'll be fun to see what ends up happening.

Lastly, I have the Facebook virus, and nothing we do seems to get rid of it. We've tried a gajillion different antivirus programs, including that one we pay $80 a year for, and nothing works. Anyone have any insight?