7 months old

Where in the world does the time go?

7 months ago right now I was probably just getting cleaned up after my c-section. The hands of 3 nurses washing the blood off of my lower half, and me feeling mortified and a little dosconcerted that I couldn't feel them doing it because I was overly numb from my spinal. Taking my gown off to change me into a fresh one - whipping it off in one swift movement, leaving me lying on the cold steel table, naked, bloody, and high on drugs. Yikes.

Nathanael is in such a great stage right now. Still only has the 2 teeth. Still not crazy about solid foods but will eat a little bit at a time. He constantly babbles, speaking to books, stuffed animals, hairs...you name it. I wish I had a baby babble decoder. He sits up on his own like a pro. Still no crawling, but he's getting there, and it won't be quick enough for him. He tries so hard and gets so frustrated. It's awfully cute. His combination Irish and Italian temper is definitely starting to show itself. He gets angry when I try to feed him when he's had enough - he'll bang on the tray of the high chair and yell. When he's on his mat and is bored, he'll throw his hands up in the air and bring them down in a very dramatic swoop, banging on the floor at the very end. Ah, my little dramatist.

He had/has his first ear infection, and thus an introduction to the dreaded pink stuff - the "bubble gum flavor" liquid amoxicillin. Administering it to him brought back horrid flashbacks from my childhood, and smelling it made me gag. I had an inkling that that's what his issue was, took him to the doctor, and voila, I was right. He also has a bad cold, but it seems to be on its way out.

With the weather (finally) turning warm in Buffalo, we've been spending a lot of time outside. He loves grass. He can't get enough of pulling itout of the ground and rubbing his feet in it. We're going to attempt his baby pool for the first time this afternoon after his nap.

He's just growing up way too fast. I feel sad in thinking that I didn't pay enough attention to the minor details of just being when he was a new new baby. I suppose every first time mom has that feeling, though. We're too tired and too stressed. I just hope he doesn't outgrow his mommy any time soon. I love that I'm the only one who can provide comfort when he needs it. That he can still fall asleep on my chest or in my arms. That he still loves to be rocked, and looks at me with adoring eyes as I sing to him.

Stay a baby a little while longer, Nat. I'm not ready for you to grow up yet!

6 months old

My baby boy turned 6 months old last week. I can hardly believe it. It doesn't seem possible that this time last year I was in misery from being so sick, but so elated at the thought of the little one growing inside of me. I didn't officially know that I was having a boy yet, but I knew. I knew from the beginning. I believe I even asked my OB to note it in the chart on my first appointment. :)

The baby has cut his first tooth - finally! It popped up this past Friday after a looooong, painful few weeks of whining, biting, chewing, drooling, etc. I had a happy babe on my hands for a few days, but I think the second bottom middle tooth is getting ready to sprout because his evil side has started to show itself again. He can sit unsupported. He's crawling. He's still wanting so badly to speak but isn't quite there. He did say "pimp" the other day, though. Hmm.
We're busy with playgroups, swimming, and yoga. We've got a date for the zoo and the playground later this week. We're turning into social butterflies! Everyone at the trendy Central Perk-ish coffee shop here in the neighborhood thinks that he's such a cute baby boy, and of course I have to agree. He'll blow spit bubbles and raspberries at someone if they bend down to say hello to him and then follow up with a huge smile. He loves to be outside on the grass - a "luxury" he didn't know until we moved here. He loves the sound of the birds, he loves to look right up at the sun, likes to look at the trees...not so thrilled with bugs (like his mama), but hey, who can blame him? He's starting to show his temper - definitely asserting the Irish side of his heritage. He'll get mad if you take something away, if he drops something and wants it back, if I don't feed him quickly enough, etc. He loves to sit in his little portable high chair in restaurants when we go out - he loves to show off what a big boy he is. He isn't crazy about riding in his car seat for long periods of time. This was to be expected, though, because he didn't really start riding in a car seat at all until a couple of weeks ago when we bought our car. He'll get used to it. We have our well baby check at the end of the week, so I'll be anxious to see how much he weighs and how he reacts to a male doctor giving him his next round of shots. Mama likes the new pediatrician! *wink wink*

Nathanael is 24 weeks old today. 24 weeks ago right now I was probably still chillin' in the recovery room, still numb/high from my spinal. I saw Nat only very briefly in the operating room. The doctors allowed Will to carry him over to me so that I could kiss his perfect face. I remember he was crying when Will brought him over, and, in my anesthetized state, whispered, "Hi Nathanael. I'm your mama." And he stopped crying. And it was true love from there. Then they whisked him away to do the new baby stuff, and I saw him about an hour later in recovery after I was finished getting my guts put back in place. I attempted to nurse him and succeeded on the first try, but they took him away again pretty quickly so that I could get my rest. I remember not being too happy with the nurses at the hospital - they kept taking him away from me, advised against rooming in so that I could rest, and, when he was badly jaundiced and had lost a pound in the hospital, told me that he needed formula and said, "See, this is what happens when you exclusively breastfeed." And cue the guilt that only mothers can feel. I have no idea why I'm even posting any of this. As you can tell, I'm still a little bitter about it.

We are 99% packed for this bitch of a move. We'll finish tonight, and then tomorrow night, our last night in Brooklyn, we'll likely hit one of our favorite eateries for one last meal here. And then begins the next chapter of our lives. We will be on our way to *gasp* settling down. Even though we're renting for a year, we're moving to the town we will call home.

Oh - and because this move isn't stressful enough, or because God is feeling punchy from packing, too, I am sick. Why I'm still getting ear infections at age 30 (29) is beyond me. Being sick and dealing with an overtired teething 24-week-old baby is not my idea of fun. My doctor has me on Cipro, so I'm expecting a raging yeast infection to crop up any day now. Throw in my period, which, incidentally, has gotten longer and bloodier since giving birth (can you honestly say you gave birth if you had a c-section?), and you have the kind of fun that's comparable to a carnival in hell co-hosted by Al Sharpton and Oprah.

This is so not where I wanted to go with this. But my mind just went blank as I sit here and watch my neutered cat hump his spayed sister. It's like a car accident - you know you should just continue on your way but you can't...help....looking.

Nathanael is close to sitting up on his own. He still ends up folding himself in half like a creepy contortionist, but he can hold his body upright for a minute or so at a time. He's teething and it's quite obviously causing him a great deal of discomfort - he stopped wolfing down solid food, he's rash-y, he's SO whiny, and he's lost interest in being social. So of course I think he's autistic, but our pediatrician is assuring us that these are classic signs of teething. I don't believe her. I don't even think she's a real doctor.

Nathanael is awake. I better turn Halloween 4 off before he gets ideas planted in his head.

Am I doing something wrong?

Mother of the year I am not. My son is bored with me. He's bored with his toys. He can't sit up on his own yet, even though many babies who are just a few days older than him have been doing it for a couple of weeks now. I worry that I'm not providing enough stimulation for him. I've run out of ideas on how to interact with him. Is this something to worry about? He shows no interest in playing with toys. Being his primary caregiver is an incredibly stressful job. I didn't think it would be so hard this early on. I feel like everything falls on my shoulders.

He has entered a clingy phase, whining every time I leave the room. That one doesn't bother me so much - I feel flattered, in fact. He's begun sleeping on his stomach, however at times will bury his face in the mattress and not move it. We've been staying up until ungodly hours to ensure that he does, in fact, remain breathing. We're exhausted.

We're seeing a pediatric ophthalmologist tomorrow. We were initially told on 3/16 that he had conjunctivitis. Two weeks and two different antibiotics later, the doctor changed her mind and told us that he has a clogged tear duct. I'm thrilled that I pumped my son full of antibiotics for nothing. Yet another oversight by this pediatrician. Several days ago he begin blinking like it was hurting him to look at things, so we were referred to a specialist. I can't wait to meet the man who thinks he's going to examine my son's eyes....my son who sees fit to wiggle all over the place whenever placed on his back. Good luck, doc.

We're making a huge move next week. Across the state. Into yet another apartment, but as God as my witness this will be the last apartment.

I'm worried about my baby. I'm worried that there's something going on or not going on that's causing him to have this lack of interest in most things play. I hate that I get the pleasure of bearing this burden alone. I hate that my only real outlet to vent is in this blog or to the message board I've belonged to since I found out I was pregnant.

And now I must go, as he is face down on the floor and probably ingesting cat hair.

Almost a year since I posted last!

Since last I posted, I have, quite obviously, given birth. I had my son on Halloween - oh what fun birthday parties we'll have! My pregnancy was horrid - hyperemis gravardium (severe 24/7 morning sickness), twice-daily heparin injections (thank you, blood clotting disorder), horrible pain from a uterine abnormality (so horrible, in fact, that I spent the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy doped up on Percocet), only to have in end with a c-section....but the result was amazing. Needless to say, then, keeping this blog updated on the progress of my pregnancy was so far down on my lsit of priorities that I forgot all about it until today. I have this incredible angel baby boy in my life now, and I LOVE being a mom. I get frustrated like I never have been before when he won't sleep (and sometimes I growl at him in frustration, but he just laughs at me). But through the frustration I try to imagine what life was like before him and I can't. And I don't want to. I love this life. I love this privlege I have of being a mother. I feel like I've joined a secret society, where only a special, selected few can revel in what they experienced and are experiencing and will experience. There is no greater role in life than mother.

We're making a HUGE move in about 2 1/2 weeks. Finally settling down. Not in a house yet, but hopefully next year. We'll be a lot closer to my family, and I love that the baby will get to know his Gran and Grandpa and Auntie A.

The babe turned 5 months old 3 days ago. I can't believe it. He's huge, and incredibly brilliant, of course. SO much fun. He looks at you while you're talking to him like he's trying hard to understand what you're saying, but becomes very upset when he realizes that I can't understand him. He's so impatient, just like his mama. His laugh is infectious. His smile warms your heart. He has an incredibly mischievious air about him, and I have a feeling he's going to give me a run for my money as he grows older. He's just now starting to sleep through the night. He eats solid foods once or twice a day and there isn't anything he won't eat. He tries so hard to walk when we stand him up, but shows no desire to crawl. He wants to sit up on his own, and is beginning to learn what's involved, but hasn't quite mastered it yet. He has me wrapped around his little finger and he knows it. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

We need lots of stuff

But we lack the funds. Who wants to throw me a baby shower? Anyone? Anyone? I even started a registry although I know there's no point. How pathetic, but it's fun to dream.

The term "morning sickness" is such a misnomer. Mine is there when I wake up in the morning, getting progressively worse throughout the day, peaking between 5 and 9 p.m., and then settling down when it's time to go to sleep....which is right about the time my heart starts to rev up and begins to beat between 95 and 100 beats/minute. While I haven't actually thrown up during these hours of being nauseated, I'm constantly gagging and the nausea is enough to leave me feeling incapacitated for much of the day.

So of course we've chosen to move NOW.

Well, 2 weeks from now to be exact, but the fun of packing and throwing out all of the shit we have accumulated over the last 10 months. Before we moved we threw out a ton of shit (including nice furniture that, of course, would have fit perfectly in the new place) and swore that we wouldn't accumulate anymore.

I'm off to Brooklyn. Vomiting is imminent. This will be a fun subway ride.

Cravings

For the entire week before I found out I was pregnant I craved sushi. Craved it madly. Never ate it before those 5 or 6 days, and once I finally (over)indulged in the craving, I decided that I will likely never eat it again. For the last few days, I can't seem to get enough hot and spicy foods. As I type this, I am eating pickled jalepenos out of the jar with a fork...and they're soooo good.

We're going to look at a few places in Brooklyn tomorrow. I'm excited about beginning the process to get the hell outta here.

We have our first appointment/ultrasound 1 week from today. I've joined a fabulous message board for moms-to-be, and since I'm estimating my due date to be sometime in October, I've joined the "October Moms" group....many of the ladies are having their first ultrasounds done, and some can see/hear the heartbeats, and some not yet but soon. I'm getting jealous of the ultrasound pictures that they're posting, so next Friday can't come soon enough.

I saw a pair of wonderful camouflage maternity capris on the Old Navy website. I'm more than just a little excited about that...I wonder when maternity clothes start to be a necessity? How sad that I'll have to go shopping for clothes by myself. :( I wish I had someone here to go with me! Shopping for maternity clothes with your husband, I would imagine, isn't quite as fun.

I think I'm going to make some chicken salad.

First picture

Until I have an ultrasound picture, this is what I get to look at. I threw away the other 4. We're planning on saving the original test...to show him/her some day, I guess. Is that gross? I found it on the floor this morning, knocked off of a high book shelf by a disgruntled cat. I can imagine the scenario now.....

"Baby? We don't want no stinking baby!" Suddenly, a Matrix-like move by Dewey, the male cat, from the bed to the shelf, and with one swish of the paw the test is brushed from its safe yet temporary holding place to the parquet floor of our cold bedroom. "Ha ha ha, sweet revenge is mine!" exclaims Dewey, cheering in victorious unison with the 2 girl cats.

I walk into the bedroom to see what the commotion is all about and am met by the hateful stares of 3 cats. Celine, the alpha female, glances quickly from me to the shelf that once held the blue-lined stick. I start to walk to the other side of the bed when I feel something beneath my feet. I know what it is before I even look. I scream in horror as I look to the shelf to confirm my fear - the test is not there. I have squished my baby beneath my left foot. I open my mouth to yell; the cats, sensing this, scatter to different corners of the apartment. I bend down to peel the stick from the bottom of my foot, check for cracks and breathe a sigh of relief when I discover none.

I decide to place the stick in the top drawer of my nightstand, among unmentionable items, and feel immediately guilty. I remove it and place it on the lap of Roger, the trusted Build-A-Bear monkey, who hails from his throne on the top-most shelf of the bookcase. Roger got me through my long and lonely nights in the hospital several years ago, and will take care of Baby Stick until it finds its permanent home in a baby book.

Test results today are positive. My hCG is 1800+, which means it's doing exactly what it should be doing. My progesterone levels have dropped a bit, which could be indicitive of a problem if they continue to drop, but for now I'm okay and the nurse is confident that my current level is okay. I'm starting prenatal vitamins this evening, so I'm anxious to see how my body reacts. Because we weren't planning the pregnancy I wasn't taking any vitamins before, so we're getting started a little late with that but hopefully it'll give Cletus all of the nutrients s/he needs. I'm done with the blood work until my first appointment next week, so the fact that the nurse is satisfied enough with my inital progress to have me wait until next week (instead of every other day) is a bit comforting.

I did some online searching for apartments today. I don't know how we're going to afford a 2-bedroom place in Bk'lyn, but we have to. We have to. If I have to beg, borrow, and steal (don't be surprised if you see me on the subway with a cup for change, ha ha ha) to get out of here I will.

If it gets any colder here I'm going to turn into an ice sculpture.

I'm sitting here in mental anguish, anxiously awaiting a phone call from Arlene the nurse so that I can know what my levels are. They should've been back this morning, but they weren't and of course that makes me paranoid and worried. I've had no morning sickness today, and that worries me too because it's basically been non-stop since last week. I hope everything is okay.

I had a bad night last night. My heart rate got up to 106, and my blood pressure was sooo low early this morning. Both things are normal in early pregnancy (information courtesy of the crochety cardiologist on call), but because of my ongoing issues I'm lucky enough to get to experience things a little more than the average woman. Yay. So while the average pregnant woman may feel her heart beating in her chest, I get to feel mine pounding throughout my entire body like it's getting ready to launch into space. While the average pregnant woman may experience a blood pressure drop to 90/70, I got to feel what 75/52 felt like this morning. Surely it's what you feel like when you're DEAD.

I downloaded (read: stole) a ton of classical music yesterday so that I can listen to it and make Cletus the Fetus (we must find out the sex as soon as possible so we can stop calling it Cletus) listen to it (even though there are no ears yet). It's supposed to relax me, supposed to relax the baby (again, no ears yet), and it'll piss off the crazy Mexicans. Speaking of the crazy Mexicans, we're hoping to be out of here by May 1st. Please, God - let some money drop out of the sky so that we can move. Please? Maybe it would be easier for you to just kind of make it materialize in the dusty, rarely used, cobweb-y space at the bank reserved for our savings? I mean, whatever's easier for you, 'cause I know you're busy.

In other news, and in the spirit of too much info, I'm leaking.....and it's normal. Blahhhh.

More bloodwork today - won't find out the results until tomorrow, but we expect everything to be A-OK. Our first appointment with the doctor and first ultrasound are both next Friday the 10th. How exciting! :)

My pants are a wee bit tight already - not sure if it's because things are slowly starting to grow already or if it's because I've increased the amount of carbs I've been eating, therefore making me pooch out a bit. Hmmm. I'm feeling fairly nauseated today, but I don't mind...if it were the flu then I'd be complaining and having a pity party, but this isn't bothering me. Yet. I still feel like I'm not eating enough, though, and I hope Cletus the Fetus isn't starving.

Will's birthday was yesterday. We met 2 days after his birthday in 1998, and this year we find out we're pregnant 2 days before his birthday. Kind of funny to us. I think the cats can sense something going on - they've been very clingy over the last 2 days.

I find that I've been walking around with a new sense of entitlement, and I've caught myself smiling for no apparent reason. For those of you who know me well you know that I don't smile often. :) I like how this is making me feel. I can only anticipate it getting better as time goes on and things like heartbeats and the sex and a belly come into play.

Went to the gym for the first time since the big news today. Highly unproductive and got pretty tired out pretty quickly. We spent the day walking around the city and with my breaking from raw and eating various bagel-y and bacon-y things. Thumbs up on the bacon, but down on the bagel. It's fun figuring out things that I can eat and things that aggravate the morning sickness (which, by the way, is not limited to the morning at the moment). Told Debbie this morning - she was very excited. Our babies will be the best of friends, of course, and it would be nice to move back upstate to be around our friends again. It makes me excited when I hear someone get excited and happy; a few people have made me feel so good when I told them - makes me feel like they have my back or something, and a feeling of safety is incredibly comforting right now until we get to talk to the doctor.

Feeling crampy today. I guess that's normal. If I had to go by the way my abdomen feels today I would guess that I'm maybe 5 or 6 weeks instead of 3 or 4. Could be more, could be less. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about so I can't wait to find out! We started talking today about all of the things we'll need. I don't know how we're going to do it, but Debbie gave me the wise advice today to not worry about anything unless I have something to worry about and to just enjoy the experience. I shall try my best to adhere to that.

A shower, jammies, and the couch await for now...

I'm WHAT?

So apparently I can't count. I've been tracking my ovulation for about 8 months now. A few months back I was so convinced that I had it down to a science that I told Will I wanted to nix the Trojans and tempt fate. I guess it really only does take 1 time. Who knew?

I guess I should've kept it in my pants.

hCG as of 2/24/06 - 322
Progesterone - 29.7

Next level check - 2/27