Flying solo

I never knew such levels of exhaustion existed. I have a feeling that only mothers of multiple children know what I'm talking about. I'm so tired that I'm sitting here watching - and enjoying - a J Lo movie. Oh, the horror!

The kiddos and I will be on our own tomorrow for the first time. My mom was here all last week, taking care of me, taking care of the babies, and making sure I kept my sanity as I slowly become used to being a mother of two. There's something about your mom taking care of you - I don't care how old you are - that makes you long for the days of your own childhood again, wishing that, even if for just one day, you could go back in time when things were easier. Watching Baby Boy love and adore his Gran (or "Gew," as he calls her) was the best thing in the world. Mama was a non-entity when Gew was around. It was a bittersweet time, really. I loved watching my mom interact with my own children, but it made me sad that I'm so grown up now that I have my own kids, making me realize even more that times are changing, we're all growing older, etc.

I have to admit that I'm a bit terrified of being the one in charge tomorrow. Baby Boy has definitely come around with me - most of the time it's like things haven't changed and he's my sweet little boy again. But wow, those terrible twos have decided to come early. The boy has a temper, and he can misbehave with the best of them. All of it is forgotten, though, as I put him to sleep and he starts with his new routine. Mama, no more doctor. No more hosipah. (hospital). Nope - no more hospital, buddy. Mama will be here when you wake up. Always always? Always, buddy. I promise. Mama lovey dovey. I love you too, buddy. Heart? Yes, with all of my heart. Only 19 months old, and already so sweet. Stay sweet, baby boy. Stay sweet.

Yes, he turned 19 months old yesterday. Baby Girl turned two weeks old last week. She's beautiful. Perfect. Makes the most disgusting yet wonderful baby noises. She's so aware - loves to stare at her hands and at the lights and at my checkered blanket. Loathes having her diaper changed. Adores her big brother already - she looks and looks and looks at him whenever he's near her, which is quite often. He returns her affection. He adores her. Loves to give her kisses, loves to stroke her hair and her tiny fingers. All fears I had about the two of them getting along have dissipated. He is a great big brother and she'll be lucky to have him around when she's older.

I'm still hurting a fair amount. I've neglected the doctors instructions to take it easy, of course, and have been picking up my son since my second or third day home from the hospital. I'm a little concerned that I did something to something...every time I turn a certain way I feel quite a bit of pain slightly above my incision. I'm guessing if it's anything it's muscle, but I'm too afraid to call the doctor, so I'll save it until my 4-week check.

I'll end with a funny story. I won't leave Baby Boy alone with his sister...not until I'm 100% certain he won't try to fling her around by her arms - and so he comes into the bathroom with me when I have to go. On Friday morning, he was particularly interested in Mama going potty, and as I stood up to wipe, he excitedly exclaimed, "Hair-do!! Hair-do!!" He loves to potty with Mama now, and every time he sees the toilet he happily accounces to the world, "Mama hair-do!!" I can see the therapy bills now...