Just another manic Monday

Okay. Hubs just left for work. It's just me. Me and the children. Alone. For the first time. God help me.

I've decided to update throughout the day, mostly as a way to keep my sanity, but also to provide amusement for some of you, I'm sure, as I join the exclusive and special club made up only of stay-at-home moms of two under two.

So far so good. The day started off with Nat sneezing on my English muffin. Savannah is sleeping away in her swing. The dining room table is newly stocked with arts and crafts items for Nat and I to play with together. The air is filled with the stink of fresh poop.

This will be my first day sans Lortab...at least during the daylight hours. I'm hoping that I don't exert myself to the point of ripping open my incision. Then I'd have to worry about Nat running and slipping on my guts, and I'm pretty sure "guts" isn't among the list of stains that Resolve or Zout are proven to remove from carpets.

So - 8:51 a.m. Mama's sanity is intact, as are the children.

Stay tuned.

***We interrupt this blog to announce that Mama is currently doing the happy dance of joy because BOTH children are napping, hopefully for the next three hours.***

Update
So it's 1 p.m. I'm ready to chop my head off with an axe.

Savannah pooped on the couch. Thrice. In a two minute period.

Nathanael fell and hit his cheek on the side of his stupid LeapFrigFrog table. Nathanael also saw fit to paw through the garbage when I had my back turned for two seconds, happily settling on the egg carton that had two shells and remnants of raw egg inside of it. Amused, he held out his hands with the slimy goo all over, asking me, "What is it?" Salmonella, anyone?

If I trip over one more damn toy, they're all going in the trash.

So - 1:12 p.m. Kids - 2. Mama - 0. I need a drink.

Update
3:13 p.m. - Of course they both see fit to piss and moan in their sleep all afternoon. ALL afternoon. Also? I'm convinced that Savannah will grow up to be a linebacker some day. She can't seem to get enough to eat. Me? The only thing I've eaten today is the sneezed-upon English muffin, and that was about 8 hours ago.

The UPS man almost lost his life today. Dude - DON'T RING MY DAMN DOORBELL DURING NAP TIME! See my tired eyes? See me limping in pain? I just had my insides ripped out 2 1/2 weeks ago. I need to rest. Don't make me get up off the couch. Leave it on the doorstep and back the hell away. NOW! I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your lying, yellow, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead! **if you can name which movie within a movie i took that from, then you get a prize

Is it normal for a newborn baby to make sounds that rival Regan's in The Exorcist? 'Cause she's starting to scare me. I'm convinced that a) she's possessed or 2) she's part pterodactyl.

Update
5 p.m. - Calgon, take me away!!