I've reached that point, readers. That new-baby-exhaustion point. That wits-end point. That my-husband-goes-back-to-work-tomorrow-and-I'm-afraid-of-my-children point.
I'm stressed. My mom's coming in for a few days, but it won't be the same. Gran is fun. We like having Gran around. It's like there are no rules when she's around. Let's misbehave, 'cause she thinks it's funny and cute. Gran's older, so Mama's not really in charge.
I've been without narcotics for nearly 48 hours. By choice. I haven't filled the script for the good stuff. I may. I just may. Life is better on narcotics. Kidding. Sort of.
Savannah doesn't like to sleep. At all. She's having poop issues. And gas. Me, I'm pooping just fine. Got the first post-partum post c-section poop out of the way. Sure, it felt like I was shitting shards of glass, but it's done. Out of the way. On to the next thing.
The next thing being I'm pretty convinced that I have a brain tumor. For the last 4 or 5 days I've had a headache that would make Jesus himself weep, along with vertigo and distortion of voices in my ears. Brain tumor. The big one, Alice. God gave me two beautiful children, only to kill me with a brain tumor. Thanks, dude.
Baby boy is, I think, starting to come around as far as liking me again. He's still acting awful at times, but I think it's more the terrible twos than anything else. His new favorite phrase, compliments of mama, is "Holy shit." Not ideal, but he heard it enough every time I moved for the last 10 days that he was bound to pick it up. Hey - at least he's incorporating religion into it.
For those of you wondering if you should get pregnant again any time soon, listen to me. If getting pregnant right now will leave you with two children under two, please understand that you'll never eat again, you'll never sleep again, showers just don't exist, you don't change into clean clothes too often, and the amount of guilt you feel for a) telling your older child to shush or keep it down because the new baby is sleeping, b) spending time with the older child instead of the new baby, or c) wanting to chop your husband's balls off so that you never get pregnant again, is very overwhelming and overpowering.
I'm stressed to the max. I'm angry at myself for getting so stressed. I love my babies, more than I ever thought possible, and I wouldn't trade either of them for the world. But I'm terrified that I won't be able to be a good mom to two young children - how am I supposed to continue to teach my son as much as I have when all my time is taken up by the new baby? Is there a manual out there for this stuff?