We need lots of stuff

But we lack the funds. Who wants to throw me a baby shower? Anyone? Anyone? I even started a registry although I know there's no point. How pathetic, but it's fun to dream.

The term "morning sickness" is such a misnomer. Mine is there when I wake up in the morning, getting progressively worse throughout the day, peaking between 5 and 9 p.m., and then settling down when it's time to go to sleep....which is right about the time my heart starts to rev up and begins to beat between 95 and 100 beats/minute. While I haven't actually thrown up during these hours of being nauseated, I'm constantly gagging and the nausea is enough to leave me feeling incapacitated for much of the day.

So of course we've chosen to move NOW.

Well, 2 weeks from now to be exact, but the fun of packing and throwing out all of the shit we have accumulated over the last 10 months. Before we moved we threw out a ton of shit (including nice furniture that, of course, would have fit perfectly in the new place) and swore that we wouldn't accumulate anymore.

I'm off to Brooklyn. Vomiting is imminent. This will be a fun subway ride.

Cravings

For the entire week before I found out I was pregnant I craved sushi. Craved it madly. Never ate it before those 5 or 6 days, and once I finally (over)indulged in the craving, I decided that I will likely never eat it again. For the last few days, I can't seem to get enough hot and spicy foods. As I type this, I am eating pickled jalepenos out of the jar with a fork...and they're soooo good.

We're going to look at a few places in Brooklyn tomorrow. I'm excited about beginning the process to get the hell outta here.

We have our first appointment/ultrasound 1 week from today. I've joined a fabulous message board for moms-to-be, and since I'm estimating my due date to be sometime in October, I've joined the "October Moms" group....many of the ladies are having their first ultrasounds done, and some can see/hear the heartbeats, and some not yet but soon. I'm getting jealous of the ultrasound pictures that they're posting, so next Friday can't come soon enough.

I saw a pair of wonderful camouflage maternity capris on the Old Navy website. I'm more than just a little excited about that...I wonder when maternity clothes start to be a necessity? How sad that I'll have to go shopping for clothes by myself. :( I wish I had someone here to go with me! Shopping for maternity clothes with your husband, I would imagine, isn't quite as fun.

I think I'm going to make some chicken salad.

First picture

Until I have an ultrasound picture, this is what I get to look at. I threw away the other 4. We're planning on saving the original test...to show him/her some day, I guess. Is that gross? I found it on the floor this morning, knocked off of a high book shelf by a disgruntled cat. I can imagine the scenario now.....

"Baby? We don't want no stinking baby!" Suddenly, a Matrix-like move by Dewey, the male cat, from the bed to the shelf, and with one swish of the paw the test is brushed from its safe yet temporary holding place to the parquet floor of our cold bedroom. "Ha ha ha, sweet revenge is mine!" exclaims Dewey, cheering in victorious unison with the 2 girl cats.

I walk into the bedroom to see what the commotion is all about and am met by the hateful stares of 3 cats. Celine, the alpha female, glances quickly from me to the shelf that once held the blue-lined stick. I start to walk to the other side of the bed when I feel something beneath my feet. I know what it is before I even look. I scream in horror as I look to the shelf to confirm my fear - the test is not there. I have squished my baby beneath my left foot. I open my mouth to yell; the cats, sensing this, scatter to different corners of the apartment. I bend down to peel the stick from the bottom of my foot, check for cracks and breathe a sigh of relief when I discover none.

I decide to place the stick in the top drawer of my nightstand, among unmentionable items, and feel immediately guilty. I remove it and place it on the lap of Roger, the trusted Build-A-Bear monkey, who hails from his throne on the top-most shelf of the bookcase. Roger got me through my long and lonely nights in the hospital several years ago, and will take care of Baby Stick until it finds its permanent home in a baby book.

Test results today are positive. My hCG is 1800+, which means it's doing exactly what it should be doing. My progesterone levels have dropped a bit, which could be indicitive of a problem if they continue to drop, but for now I'm okay and the nurse is confident that my current level is okay. I'm starting prenatal vitamins this evening, so I'm anxious to see how my body reacts. Because we weren't planning the pregnancy I wasn't taking any vitamins before, so we're getting started a little late with that but hopefully it'll give Cletus all of the nutrients s/he needs. I'm done with the blood work until my first appointment next week, so the fact that the nurse is satisfied enough with my inital progress to have me wait until next week (instead of every other day) is a bit comforting.

I did some online searching for apartments today. I don't know how we're going to afford a 2-bedroom place in Bk'lyn, but we have to. We have to. If I have to beg, borrow, and steal (don't be surprised if you see me on the subway with a cup for change, ha ha ha) to get out of here I will.

If it gets any colder here I'm going to turn into an ice sculpture.

I'm sitting here in mental anguish, anxiously awaiting a phone call from Arlene the nurse so that I can know what my levels are. They should've been back this morning, but they weren't and of course that makes me paranoid and worried. I've had no morning sickness today, and that worries me too because it's basically been non-stop since last week. I hope everything is okay.

I had a bad night last night. My heart rate got up to 106, and my blood pressure was sooo low early this morning. Both things are normal in early pregnancy (information courtesy of the crochety cardiologist on call), but because of my ongoing issues I'm lucky enough to get to experience things a little more than the average woman. Yay. So while the average pregnant woman may feel her heart beating in her chest, I get to feel mine pounding throughout my entire body like it's getting ready to launch into space. While the average pregnant woman may experience a blood pressure drop to 90/70, I got to feel what 75/52 felt like this morning. Surely it's what you feel like when you're DEAD.

I downloaded (read: stole) a ton of classical music yesterday so that I can listen to it and make Cletus the Fetus (we must find out the sex as soon as possible so we can stop calling it Cletus) listen to it (even though there are no ears yet). It's supposed to relax me, supposed to relax the baby (again, no ears yet), and it'll piss off the crazy Mexicans. Speaking of the crazy Mexicans, we're hoping to be out of here by May 1st. Please, God - let some money drop out of the sky so that we can move. Please? Maybe it would be easier for you to just kind of make it materialize in the dusty, rarely used, cobweb-y space at the bank reserved for our savings? I mean, whatever's easier for you, 'cause I know you're busy.

In other news, and in the spirit of too much info, I'm leaking.....and it's normal. Blahhhh.

More bloodwork today - won't find out the results until tomorrow, but we expect everything to be A-OK. Our first appointment with the doctor and first ultrasound are both next Friday the 10th. How exciting! :)

My pants are a wee bit tight already - not sure if it's because things are slowly starting to grow already or if it's because I've increased the amount of carbs I've been eating, therefore making me pooch out a bit. Hmmm. I'm feeling fairly nauseated today, but I don't mind...if it were the flu then I'd be complaining and having a pity party, but this isn't bothering me. Yet. I still feel like I'm not eating enough, though, and I hope Cletus the Fetus isn't starving.

Will's birthday was yesterday. We met 2 days after his birthday in 1998, and this year we find out we're pregnant 2 days before his birthday. Kind of funny to us. I think the cats can sense something going on - they've been very clingy over the last 2 days.

I find that I've been walking around with a new sense of entitlement, and I've caught myself smiling for no apparent reason. For those of you who know me well you know that I don't smile often. :) I like how this is making me feel. I can only anticipate it getting better as time goes on and things like heartbeats and the sex and a belly come into play.

Went to the gym for the first time since the big news today. Highly unproductive and got pretty tired out pretty quickly. We spent the day walking around the city and with my breaking from raw and eating various bagel-y and bacon-y things. Thumbs up on the bacon, but down on the bagel. It's fun figuring out things that I can eat and things that aggravate the morning sickness (which, by the way, is not limited to the morning at the moment). Told Debbie this morning - she was very excited. Our babies will be the best of friends, of course, and it would be nice to move back upstate to be around our friends again. It makes me excited when I hear someone get excited and happy; a few people have made me feel so good when I told them - makes me feel like they have my back or something, and a feeling of safety is incredibly comforting right now until we get to talk to the doctor.

Feeling crampy today. I guess that's normal. If I had to go by the way my abdomen feels today I would guess that I'm maybe 5 or 6 weeks instead of 3 or 4. Could be more, could be less. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about so I can't wait to find out! We started talking today about all of the things we'll need. I don't know how we're going to do it, but Debbie gave me the wise advice today to not worry about anything unless I have something to worry about and to just enjoy the experience. I shall try my best to adhere to that.

A shower, jammies, and the couch await for now...

I'm WHAT?

So apparently I can't count. I've been tracking my ovulation for about 8 months now. A few months back I was so convinced that I had it down to a science that I told Will I wanted to nix the Trojans and tempt fate. I guess it really only does take 1 time. Who knew?

I guess I should've kept it in my pants.

hCG as of 2/24/06 - 322
Progesterone - 29.7

Next level check - 2/27