18 months

Baby boy, you're officially a year and a half old today. Where did this time go? How can you possibly be on your way to turning 2? It seems like only yesterday that you were growing in my belly, and your daddy and I were so excited to meet you.

You're the most amazing creature on this planet, and as you grow up I will never let a day go by without you knowing that, and without you knowing how much I love you and how special you are to me. Even when you reach those difficult ages and stages, I will always make sure you know.

You're a pretty funny little guy, you know that? You make me laugh so much! You started calling me lubby dubby (lovey dovey) the other day, and it melted my heart. Just moments ago, as I rocked with you in your chair, you fell asleep with your hand resting on my chest and your head resting on your hand. For me to look down and see that sight was a wonderful gift, and I thank you. You see, you fell asleep that exact way when you were a newborn and had just finished eating. I loved to see it then, and I remember those days all too well - to be brought back there, even for a moment, was wonderful.

You have become SUCH a picky eater. You never fail to let me know your displeasure with what I've put on your plate. It usually ends up on the floor if it's something you're not crazy about. You've recently discovered hot dogs and cheeseburgers, and you ask for them constantly, along with a-dunk-a-dunk (ketchup). Geeps (grapes) are your favorite fruit right now, and you love to declare grapes and berries "sour." Mealtimes are definitely frustrating at times, but always fun.

You love playing with your choo-choo trains. You love to color on everything BUT paper. Your love for reading is something that I hope will never change. You have a very impressive bottlecap collection for a little guy, and it's one of the first things you look for when you come downstairs in the mornings. You have quite the temper. Your vocabulary is extensive and amazing - even your doctor is impressed! You like to bonk your head or finger on purpose, just so that mama will kiss your boo-boo. You enjoy picking flowers for me outside. You love to destroy the ant hills outside. You have a fascination with stones. And with washing your sucker - you'd wash it all day if we let you! You have so much fun doing the smallest things, and it's a joy that I hope you maintain all throughout your life.

You're SO smart, buddy. So smart. You have an amazing ability to conceptualize things that I imagine are a little unusual for such a young age. You pick up new words and ideas and skills on a daily basis, and there are times when your daddy and I just look at each other with shocked expressions, wondering how you got to be the way you are. I love having the chance to stay at home with you all day. Sure, sometimes your cranky days become my cranky days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Things are going to change a bit around here very soon. I feel so sad about that. I'm so sad that our time together as just the two of us during the day won't be as plentiful as it is now. I'm so scared that you're going to be confused, or hurt, or think that you're being replaced. I hope you know that you will always, always hold a most special place in my heart, one that is reserved for you and only you, my first child. If it means I'll never sleep again, I promise you that we will have our time together. I promise you that nothing - nothing - will ever change the way I love you, the way your laugh and your smile brighten my every day, the way I wish I could hold you in my arms forever. I hope that you see your baby sister as a sort of gift, someone to share your hopes and dreams and plots against mama and daddy with. Someone other than mama and daddy to play with. I hope you'll be close. I hope that you and I don't lose our mama-baby bond, something that I've worked very hard these last 18 months to build and maintain.

I hope that you know this - you are loved.

Happy 18 months, baby boy. You'll be my baby 'til you're old and gray. I bought a book for you when you were very very new, and I've never been able to read it to you because it makes me cry. There's a song in it, though, that the mama sings to her baby boy, and I've said it to you many times:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.